In the Mood for Food
Since we all hold different views and opinions about food, it can be a delicate topic to discuss, especially because each of us shares a deeply personal relationship with it.
Food in its most basic form is supposed to curb our hunger and provide our body with the necessary nutrients it needs for optimal functioning. However, for many of us, food is so much more. And cannot be defined as playing one specific role. In a society where there is a race over flavour and consistency, a battle over health, a plethora of different trendy diets, struggles with body image and comparison, where do you place your relationship towards food? It can be our best friend in happy moments, but it can turn into an enemy in times of sadness and distress.
In its purest form, food is intended to nourish our bodies. Everybody is different and everybody has different needs in terms of nutrients and caloric intake, varying depending on age, gender, level of activity, and health condition. Food creates memorable moments as it brings people together and keeps traditions alive. Food is a beautiful form of self-expression, care, and for some, it is a love language. They say love goes through the stomach — this applies both to how we care for others and how we care for ourselves.
Food used to be a very sensitive topic for me, as I used to have a contradictory relationship with food. I love it on the one hand, but I did not respect myself with it on the other hand.
No diet should be the same, and while it’s great to get inspired by the diets you see online, it is important not to stress your body by going into extreme lifestyles. I will not tell you what you should or should not eat, because that is entirely up to you, but I will share what has helped me in my relationship towards food and how I used to struggle with it for years.
I grew up in a family of foodies. Needless to say, good food was the center of our universe more often than not, but that did not necessarily lead me to develop a healthy relationship with food. I was raised to finish my plate, and even when I was hungry, I was not allowed to snack between meals because it would mess with my appetite. Later in life, I realised that I had no idea how to listen to my hunger cues, as I was never taught how to. Instead, I was taught how to ignore them, which caused frustration and an even bigger issue when it came to how I viewed food.
Over time, this developed into an unhealthy restrict & binge pattern, which took an even bigger turn during my late teenage years as I was confronted with issues such as low self-esteem, hateful body image, and feelings of insecurity. To top it all off, I gained 9 kilos during university, as I had given food an important emotion-regulating role in my life. Whenever I was feeling sad or stressed, I was eating my emotions away, and needless to say, when you are feeling stressed, it is not a salad you crave, but carb-dense, sweet, and greasy foods. It got to a point where I no longer enjoyed the food I was eating. On some days, I was just " stuffing" myself as what I ate never gave me a proper feeling of satisfaction. Looking back, how could food make me feel better if that inner void I was trying to fill was never meant to be satisfied with food in the first place? Of course, food is pleasurable, and the first bites of a meal you love are the best, but that is if you enjoy it and take the time to savour it. If my memory serves me right, this started when I was 14 years old and ended around the age of 25, and looking back, I wish I had realised this sooner and sought help. If only I had known what I know now, I would have been less critical and judgmental towards myself. You might think, easier said than done, especially when you are stuck in a "reward-punish" loop, but the body has a very good way of working with us, and sometimes we tend to forget that.
An unhealthy coping mechanism that has developed and was reinforced over time cannot be undone in a week or a month, but I promise you that it can get better, assuming you are willing to give yourself a break and stop with the judgment and guilt-tripping. My 2 years of coaching have enormously helped me, not with food per se, but to understand why I was behaving the way I was and what the underlying issue was. Punishing and restricting ourselves because we have gone overboard or because we don't like how we feel/look can be a sign of low self-worth. Going into restriction to balance out "over-indulging" is something we do with the aim of eliminating feelings of guilt resulting from excess. Instead of letting it go, we feel guilty, ashamed, out of control, and sometimes it can feel like a failure.
If you find yourself in a binge-restrict loop, chances are very high that you will find yourself feeling very guilty after a binge, and the process is very likely to start again every time you " fall off the wagon". What if, instead of avoiding falling off, you would deliberately choose to stay off the wagon and go by foot at your own pace? Sounds easier said than done, I know, but hear me out.
What if you decided to give yourself the benefit of the doubt? What if you decided to trust your body with its abilities to tell you when it has had enough and when it is hungry, and stop trying to control how hungry you are and how much you should eat? Back then, I went to a therapist to get my relationship with food into order and while I only saw her twice, she told me that I was eating a healthy diet (thanks for confirming something I already knew) she asked me to keep a food diary into which I had to fill out everything I was eating, how hungry I was when I ate, and what my emotions were when I was having cravings. Not everything was tied to an emotion, but in case of a binge or excess, I would journal about what I was feeling. It was very difficult to describe as the feeling was not very clear, but I was confronted with restlessness, unease, and anxiety. Some people eat more when they're sad and/or less when they are stressed.
Let me tell you, you are not alone, and this is a pattern you can and will break!
The answer to this is easy and complex at the same time, because it involves two important aspects that are closely related to one another, namely your self-perception and your intuition. Your self-perception is influenced by your self-worth, which is in turn influenced by your self-love. This is why it is necessary to learn to love yourself while you try to improve your relationship with food. I would advise you to consider reaching out to a therapist or coach, but you need to find someone you feel comfortable with and who you have no shame around.
If you feel like the vibe is off and you're not ready to take these steps, you can start by keeping a food/emotion journal. This can be very beneficial in helping you identify possible triggers and how intensely you react to them in relation to food. The purpose of journaling isn’t to judge yourself, but rather to observe what you eat and when you eat it, helping you uncover the emotions that drive you to use food as a source of comfort. It’s not about counting calories or making you feel guilty about how much you eat.
Intuition, on the other hand, is something we all carry within us, but due to social norms, external pressures, ingrained habits, and coping mechanisms, it can be easy to lose touch with our inner guidance. That is why learning to trust & be in tune with yourself gently is a good place to start to get your intuition to resurface and take over.
A sentence that helped me a lot is (and it's very simple but effective): our body is conceived to self-regulate. This can sound like a sentence some of us could roll our eyes at, but it is true. I used to be a "I have ruined my day of eating already, so I might as well go on with it for the rest of the day" kind of gal. I knew that, as soon as the day ended, I would stop and restrict the following day. You can imagine how I felt the moment I heard the above sentence - I thought, if I let my body run free, I would have cravings all the time, and it’d just turn into binge after binge. I had to test it to understand it. Over time, I let my body and my hunger cues run free. Whenever they knocked on my door, I hesitated to let them in, and while it was not easy, I gave in and let them take the lead. Again, this did not happen overnight, but you need to force yourself to trust yourself, and to do that, you need to learn to love yourself first.
During the first few weeks, it felt like I was eating more because my new regular eating pattern did not encourage restricting periods. After a few weeks, I surprisingly started feeling less hungry and stressed because my mind was at rest. It was not in survival/deprivation mode like it used to be.
Restriction is a form of control. As soon as the binge starts, it turns into the worst loss of control, prompting us to apply more control to regain control. That's why giving yourself a break and letting go of the pressure will give you back your freedom. Trusting yourself will give you peace of mind, which is a healthy sense of control.
My definition of a healthy sense of control? Learning to identify, reflect & manage my emotions (anxiety, stress, frustration, anger, confusion, fear, etc.) in a non-judgmental way. I am still an emotional person, but by knowing myself better, I am able to take a step back and avoid getting caught up in an emotional spiral, which has made my life much easier.
Breaking away from this eating pattern has helped me regain confidence and has encouraged and taught me to trust myself. Regaining control of my emotions has improved my self-perception and has given me the courage to follow my intuition. After that, the missing pieces naturally fell into place. As I said before, a coping mechanism that has been in your life for a while won't go away overnight. Having said that, I gently advise you to dig into your emotions and find out what needs to be dealt with on a deeper level because this is the healthiest and most sustainable option if you are serious about this.
And remember to: be gentle, be patient, and give yourself the benefit of the doubt.
Here is a list of little changes that have helped me:
Food/emotion journal
Listen to my hunger cues (if hungry between meals, have a savoury snack)
Listen to my fullness cues (also very important, if you feel like you have bricks in your stomach, you may have eaten too much)
Eating slowly & mindfully
Eating only foods I enjoy (no more forcing myself to eat foods that are trendy #overnight oats)
Eating a savoury breakfast (feta omelet is my current favourite)
Avoid eating in front of a screen
Eat vegetables at every meal (don't force yourself with veggies you hate, life's too short)
Get creative in the kitchen (try out new recipes that make you feel excited about food and notice how differently you savour food you prepared with care)
Let yourself be excited about food (savour it fully, and you will see that you will not only be satisfied physically but also mentally)
Have a square of dark chocolate every day ( to keep insanity at bay )
Remember that growth is not linear; falling back does not mean you are failing. You are your worst critic, so please take your foot off the gas pedal!
Here’s to you!
Love,
Alix
