Drama? No thank you!

Have you already found yourself in situations that made you think:  Why do I attract drama ? Have you ever been told by friends or family that they don’t have as much drama in their lives as you do? Maybe that’s true, maybe it’s not; we’ll never really know if they were telling the truth.

What matters is how you feel about drama in your life. If you know how to protect your peace, that’s amazing, but if you are not sure how to stop attracting drama? Here are a few ways to avoid drama in life.

We all go through different phases in life, ranging from more dramatic to less dramatic ones. Generally, we tend to withdraw from drama as we get older because we become more rational and less driven by emotions. However, some of us find ourselves living a life that resembles that of a soap opera, and that can be tiring.

I tend to be dramatic when things upset me or when I am at that time of the month, but I do my best not to spread it around. However, some people love drama and are attracted to it, regardless of their age. I have found that this is a pattern that often results from something deeper, something that is clearly missing within them.

There is, of course, nothing you can do for them, but you can change that for yourself by recognizing toxic patterns in friendships and relationships. I have learned this the hard way, having received more than one slap in the face, and let me tell you how I distanced myself from toxic people.

I was friends with people who created drama all the time, and when I say 'drama,' I mean being possessive, inventing lies to get attention —of the kind that's not healthy. During that period of my life, I was a mess myself. I had anxiety that was fueled by my on-off toxic relationship, and in addition to that, I was not living a very balanced life.

These people have entered my life at a time when my emotional stability was at a low point. As I don’t like small talk and surface encounters, these people ticked my looking for “ intense people ” box. Every time I felt like those friendships could be valuable to have, and they were until they weren’t anymore. I have had a few dramatic friends in my life, and I've had them at different stages, from my teenage years to my late 20s. However, after too many face slaps, it became clear that I needed to wake up and realise a few things.

If, like me, you are an empathetic person and you seek strong connections in friendships, you probably know that certain people tend to cling to that. If you are sensitive and have a good heart, on top of that, you make the perfect target.

The people I am talking about are the ones who have deep, unresolved trauma and who are too proud and self-centered to get to a point of self-reflection. They are the ones who twist facts to their advantage, remember every little word you say, every personal story you tell them, and end up using them against you. It’s those people who only see their truth as the ultimate truth, and it’s those people who always want to be at the center of attention. It’s precisely those people who may feel uncomfortable sharing personal details about themselves, because even though they make you feel like you are their trusted friend, they somehow don’t trust you (but you don’t know that yet). It’s those people who are jealous of you but don’t tell you to your face. Instead, they are the ones who don’t show genuine happiness when you share good news with them; it’s the ones who talk too much about other people and who seem almost joyful when hearing about other people’s misfortunes.

All in all, these people are the ones I have encountered a few times in my life. While all of them had different degrees of narcissistic personality traits, they were all toxic in their own way. And the interesting yet scary thing about poisonous and narcissistic people is that they are very good at making you doubt yourself while making it difficult for you to walk away. It’s almost as if they create a specific dependency that you know is not good for you, but somehow you feel sorry for them, while your shared memories together make you stick around.

However, the good news is that there are signs to recognize these individuals, and there are ways for you to take your distance. I have found myself in relationships and friendships with too many people who had narcissistic traits, but I managed to detach myself; it just takes a lot of awareness towards yourself and them, and for that, you need to be honest with yourself.

What I have uncovered over the years is that there are two sides to drama. You can be someone who attracts it or someone who creates it. I want to focus on those of you who attract it and help you recognize dramatic people, stay away from, and/or distance yourself from them.

Please note that if you constantly find yourself in dramatic situations or if you find yourself surrounded by drama, this might be due to different underlying issues linked to low self-esteem, difficulties setting boundaries, unresolved trauma, or even being raised or finding yourself in chaotic or toxic environments.

Whatever the reason may be, it is not a situation for which you need to blame yourself, but you can decide to take action now. A good starting point for uncovering why you attract drama is to begin coaching or reading self-help books. Once you understand the root cause, you can actively work to improve this aspect of your life.

Nobody is perfect, and everything is a learning curve in life, so please remember that you can find a takeaway in every situation and that life can be peaceful and fun at the same time. For my part, I was confronted with not just one, but several of them, but I made it out, and so will you!

Here are a few ways to spot dramatic/ narcissistic people:

-  They open up very quickly, but only about selectively chosen surface topics

-  They cling to you and put you on a pedestal when things go their way.

-  They ask a lot of questions (which makes you think they are very interested in you)

- They don’t listen to your reply (they either nod or repeat the words you said while their eyes display a certain emptiness because they are not paying attention)

-  They revert the conversation back to them.

- They highly value status, material possessions, and wealth. They show a lot of interest in people who display signs of success.

- They highly value physical appearance. Of course, they do; everything is just a surface for them, so they need to maintain it.

- They can convince you to do things that don’t sit right with you, but you give in because you don’t want to argue or create some tension (important to set your boundaries)

- They have a very vague speech when talking about themselves or their achievements. Ask them about details, and you’ll start seeing discrepancies.

- They are not capable of engaging in deep discussions. They might ask you personal questions, but if you ask them, they are unable to properly open up. (It is important to differentiate that some people are more discreet and don’t trust others easily, but I am talking about the ones who are not only closed up but also fit the descriptions above)

How to distance yourself from drama

- Practice self-awareness. If you tend to be dramatic, try working on that by journaling, meditating, and reflecting before impulsively sharing your thoughts with others. (This one is tricky, I still struggle with this, but writing helps me a lot)

-  Set clear boundaries. Even if this may be difficult for many of us, start by setting small boundaries, like saying no to engaging in gossip.

- Do not react to drama. Surprisingly, the less reactive you are, the more confused they will be. Sometimes, they will try to trigger a reaction from you by being even more dramatic to test if you are not reacting.

-  Take your time before responding. The people who bring drama into your life are most likely impulsive and highly emotional. Your calmness and not giving them an immediate reaction will likely disarm them and take away their sense of power. Feel free to say things like, “I am not sure how I feel about this, let me get back to you on this.”

- Focus on people who give you positivity and good energy and who help you grow. You will notice that spending time with positive people will make you feel more at peace and energized.

- If you are dealing with highly toxic people, you need to distance yourself slowly, like disappearing or becoming transparent. Going head-to-head with these individuals is a lost cause and will likely escalate in a negative direction.

Remember that you cannot control how others act, but you can control how you react to their behavior. Once you distance yourself from drama, you will quickly notice that life is too short to waste time on people who drain you by spreading drama and negativity.  

The more you work on your self-awareness and strive to stay calm and at peace, the more you will attract people who match your energy, and notice that those who seek drama stop coming to you for it.

Here's to You!

Love,

Alix