ADHD - Chaos or Superpower?

This post has no aim to disregard those of us who are struggling and suffering. I know that ADD/ADHD is a lot to handle and is confusing, especially when you get diagnosed at a later stage in life. It takes a great deal of curiosity, patience, and care to reach a place of understanding. The aim is not to judge ourselves, but we must stop comparing ourselves and living by metrics that are not ours to follow. I received a late ADHD diagnosis with slight hyperactivity, and sometimes I wish I had not gotten one, but in the grand scheme of things, it allowed me to truly see myself for who I was and to start living accordingly. It's never easy, but there's beauty in every journey, you'll see.

Living with ADHD

This topic is essential for me to address because, for years, I felt misunderstood and out of place. For a long period of my life, I have had discussions with parents and friends who thought I was neglecting obligations, forgetting, or even withdrawing from them on purpose. It was only after I received my diagnosis three years ago that I finally realized how much judgment by others and myself I had been dealing with.

Everything felt so difficult for me to understand and relate to. And to be honest, how could I understand myself if I didn't properly know myself to begin with?

I had been trying to fit into a mold that was not even mine to fit into, and dear lord was that exhausting.

The rise of ADHD

For a few years now, ADHD diagnoses have been skyrocketing. While our smartphones,  the fast pace, and the convenience in our lives have contributed to a significant disconnection in our society, I believe that these changes have been enhancing the development of ADHD in our society.

Nowadays, a lot of people throw around the sentence: “Oh yeah, it's probably ADHD. I have it too, everyone has it ” almost like it's nothing. I am surprised by the high number of professionals who give away ADHD diagnoses like candy.

Yes! ADHD is on the rise and has been taken more seriously over the last years compared to a few years back. However, this does not mean that a diagnosis should be given to anyone having difficulties focusing. So many influencers share their ADHD journey online and are giving us tips on how to cope with it, and while that can be of help, it can also cause us to go into hyper-focus, which is what happened to me.

The struggles are real

This upward-trending diagnosis is confirmed with kids getting diagnosed at a younger age and adults getting diagnosed far later in life. I found it quite upsetting that I had to go through my childhood and teenage years without a single clue as to: Why I was always late, was very disorganized, sensitive, felt overly social on some days, and sad and burnt out on other days. Why I was experiencing emotions so intensely? Why I always had to feel stressed to start studying for my exams, rush to the bus every morning. Why I always forgot to reply to texts, and why I was always very excited to start a new hobby or project, only to find myself bored with it two weeks later? Why was I so keen on chasing excitement?

I have found myself trapped in addictive patterns that I thought were helping me by giving me a sense of comfort, but that could not have been further from the truth. I was chasing excitement and dopamine because without it, I felt bored. I always preferred to feel stressed rather than bored. Hectic days passed by so fast, while regular days were a drag. I felt like I needed to feel stress and pressure to survive, but if there was too much, I felt overwhelmed, which then got me into a paralyzed state.

All or nothing

It took me years to understand why I was leaving everything to the very last minute. On some days, I procrastinated everything I possibly could. On other days, I felt like doing everything on my to-do list. When I felt overwhelmed, I started panicking and completely stopped what I was doing, only to distract myself by binge-watching a series. On days when I felt like being productive and knew I had to tackle a specific task first, I started pulling out this magic, invisible to-do list out of nowhere. I could spend hours on it, only to end up sitting on my bed looking at old photos of myself I had found at the bottom of my drawer. There was rarely a day when I managed to be a little productive and rest a little; it was always all or nothing. To be honest, on some days it still is.

No ADHD is ever the same

As you may know,  some of us have attention deficit disorder without hyperactivity, ADD. In contrast, others have attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, ADHD, and those are siblings, not twins. Gender, upbringing, age, and environment play a significant role in how our ADD/ADHD symptoms manifest.  A healthy lifestyle, a proper routine, and a reliable support system are essential for regulating AD(H)D symptoms. AD(H)D is never the same for everyone, but what is necessary to understand is that if it creates any suffering in your life, you need to seek support, because life is too short to live in misalignment and misunderstanding of ourselves.

There is so much more to ADHD than inattention, poor time management, and disorganization, so much more. ADHD is not just an inability to focus, but also includes difficulties starting and finishing tasks, being impulsive, being loud, and being all over the place. ADHD is a complex condition that presents in different forms for each and every one of us.  

Understand it to master it

Life is too short to feel like you need to fit into society's mold. Even if you think you have to, let me tell you: You don't have to fit into any mold. Better: build your own mold. You'll inspire others to do the same, trust me.

Having said that, it does get better with age, and there are ways for you to make life more manageable. You can use your ADD as your superpower instead of letting it be a burden that drags you down and makes you feel miserable. You are not alone; there are so many of us out there, and yes, we're just as capable, talented, and intelligent as the others; we're just wired differently, and that's why we excel at different things: HOW COOL IS THAT!

Most of us with ADD/ADHD are good at creative things; our brains are overflowing with ideas and possibilities. It's almost as if you were to give a blank sheet of paper to a kid with different-colored crayons in his box; he will know what to do. He goes for it and is not afraid to mix colours that some adults might deem odd colour combinations.

When we are passionate about a specific topic, we can devote hours to it, and that hyperfocus is our superpower. We feel everything quite deeply, are sensitive to moods, sounds, and smells, and are often able to connect with people easily. We generally have developed social skills, which are very useful, but we need to recognize when it is time to take a break and recharge. Generally, we are flexible and adaptive. We are curious and passionate; we are not the ones to fake it. What you see is what you get (do not confuse with people-pleasing). Often lacking confidence because we tend to compare ourselves, but we are bold and authentic, and that is something nobody can take from us. So, let's make use of that superpower.

Your ADD/ ADHD can be your strength if you let it, but you first need to understand your ADHD type and how to build your day-to-day and routines around what works best for YOU. It took me a while to figure it out, but in the end, I feel more productive and consistent now than I ever have.

Find your own pace 

Simply put, I stopped comparing myself to others and to what they were doing. I do what works for me, and that's it. I do not need to do things a certain way if it is not in alignment with my rhythm and how I want to live my life. So yes, I am still late to almost everything, but to be honest, I am okay with that. Those who know me are not thrilled, but they accept it and don't hate me for it. There's a joke I started making when arriving late: "I really tried my best not to disappoint you”. Generally, they look at me, wondering: “What the heck are you trying to tell us?” To which I then say: “You guys expect me to be late, so I decided to deliver, this is me being generous. I wanted to give you another reason to be right about me." I know it sounds cocky, but it make them laugh, and after two minutes, the topic is already forgotten. I am aware that I live in a particular delusion, thinking I have time to do everything I want in such a short amount of time, even when I have repeatedly proven to myself that I cannot. No matter how I put it, I either underestimate the time I have or overestimate how fast I can actually do things. I do not arrive at the airport 2-3 hours in advance because I would rather not stop doing something useful or sacrifice sleep to stand in line during that time. I do not see the point in doing that. I do see the point in running through the airport like a crazy lady and telling my Uber driver to drive faster, though.

So yes, I missed 2 flights in my life. Still, it is a pretty good average, considering that 1 out of 2 times it wasn't my fault. The shuttle I booked was 30 minutes late, and there was heavy traffic (that's precisely why you plan ahead, I know!).

You can live your life by planning everything ahead, but that still does not guarantee that everything will work out (thank you to the shuttle driver who never apologized, by the way, and decided we take a 15-minute bathroom break in the midst of it all). To put it simply, in life, nothing ever goes according to plan. Some things do, but in the grand scheme of things, most things don't, and to be honest, that's the beauty of it: you figure it out and you learn (or you don't, like me).

Just like being late all the time, in high school, I would rush to catch my bus every morning (I either didn't hear my alarm or maybe I heard it in my dreams; honestly, I can't remember).

No matter in what ways ADD/ADHD shows up in your life (disorganization, poor time management, not being able to stand still or focus, being impulsive, not feeling the motivation to start, being highly emotional, going into overthinking mode, or even emotional eating, there is a way to get out of this spiral, and to develop the proper rituals that work for you and not against you.

And that does not mean adopting other people's rituals. It's like taking meds for a disease you don't have. There is no point in doing that! To each their own, and if we can help each other, why not? 

If you have suspicions about having ADHD but are hesitant to get a diagnosis, I totally get it. Even if there are ups and downs to getting a late ADD diagnosis, it is good to know your options. Like for everything in life, getting a late ADHD diagnosis has its ups and downs.

Love,

Alix