Comparison is Poison - Here’s Why
We all know the expression "comparison is the thief of joy", but are we really aware of the impact comparison plays in our day-to-day lives?
Whether we want it or not, we are confronted with an overwhelming amount of information every single day. Don’t get me wrong, media and social media can be entertaining and inspiring, depending on the reason behind the use. If you scroll through social media for inspiration and feel that it keeps you motivated and accountable, then you may find yourself on the good end of the spectrum.
However, most of us do not use it sparingly enough and end up feeling drained or lethargic right after scrolling. I felt like this most of the time because A) I was probably not following the proper accounts, B) I was projecting other people's lives onto mine, and C) I was avoiding accountability for essential things by scrolling on social media.
Now, what do I mean by using social media sparingly?
Using it in a way that won’t negatively impact your mood, your time, your energy, or your self-worth. I used to follow a few accounts of influencers who were very successful and earned a lot of money through the brands they developed over time. I was constantly bombarded with the latest travels, the nicest clothes, the most beautiful bodies, and the latest ways to earn money as a digital nomad in Bali (IYKYK). Even though we are aware that this makes up a small percentage of the population, and is probably the result of a lot of work & persistence, many of us find ourselves comparing our lives to the lives we see online. This can make us feel like we didn't make the right life choices or didn't choose the right career path. Perfect relationships where all you see is peace and minimal friction can make you question your own relationship and make it feel like a giant mess (and maybe it is). Still, we often think the grass is greener on the other side, but let me tell you that this is not always the case. If you are stuck in a toxic relationship, the grass is definitely greener on the other side, but that is not what I am trying to get into here. The problem arises if you are living a life that is not aligned with who you are or what you want, whether that is within relationships or within your career.
Why should perfection be the metric? Why should picture-perfect be the standard? Why should you wake up at 5:00 am, get a workout in, have a 10-step beauty routine, sleep with mouth tape, do red-light therapy every morning, have a vegetable garden, and get to work horseback riding (ok, I am exaggerating with this one), but you get the picture.
HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO FEEL? I have felt like a mess for so many years, until I realised I am not; I am just myself. I have different metrics that make me happy, but I had to understand that to be able to embrace this part of me and let it bloom fully.
Sorry to say it, but we live in an era where people earn substantial money by posting dancing videos on TikTok. Great for them, but this is not reality, it represents a small percentage of people who chose the right channel and strategy at the right time, but that does not mean that you need to do the same or that you are failing in life because you are not earning just as much money, absolutely not! You can achieve anything you want, you just need to discover what truly matters to YOU!
It's tough to make a choice (no need to tell me), I'm still figuring things out, and that’s okay. The truth is, we will still be figuring it out 20 – 30 years from now because every age comes with novelty and new challenges. However, as long as you know yourself, you will be able to navigate these new challenges that come your way.
For years, it’s been said that we need to be more respectful towards our health, mentally and physically, but is that really what we are doing? Does being healthy really mean having a day-to-day that resembles that of a perfectly set robot? Sorry, but no.
I struggled with emotional eating years ago as I was having anxiety and did not know how to understand and handle my emotions. I have found myself in toxic relationships with narcissistic people. I have had a period in my life when partying was my primary interest. I used to smoke, and was not treating my body with the respect it deserved. And here’s the thing – when you live a life of excess and you neglect your physical and mental health, it is an obvious sign that something is out of line, and for your own sake, you need to find out what that is.
3 years ago, I received my first ADD diagnosis, which felt like a relief at first, but quickly made me feel like there was clearly something wrong with me until I uncovered what ADD really meant to me and not what I thought it had to mean to me through the eyes of society and LET ME TELL YOU – I now see ADD as my friend (sometimes a very annoying one) rather than my enemy and this makes a huge difference.
All of this to say that feeling lost is normal, feeling sad is part of the game, feeling out of place is a feeling most of us will have at some point in life, but here’s the good news - It’s in those moments (no matter how crappy they are) that you realise that something deeper is going on. The even better news is that you can dig to find out what that is and work on it (I did therapy and coaching, and the latter turned out to be one of the best decisions of my life - shoutout to my coach Rosie).
Don’t strive to be perfect; strive to be a better version of yourself, a more authentic and genuine version of yourself, one day at a time. And please remember that there is no right or wrong way to live your life. You need to find your balance, cut out the noise surrounding you, and live life on your own terms because that is what you were meant to do. You may not know it yet, but I love making lists.
Here are a few you can start working on and see where they get you:
Make a list of what makes you happy.
Make a list of the things you are good at & do more of these.
Make a list of the things you will regret not doing when you are 80 years old. Start planning to do them, regardless of whether they are small or big.
Stay away from social media for an entire month and see how you feel (and yes - people who want to reach out to you can either text or call you).
Take the pressure off & fuel your day with tasks & activities you feel bring you excitement & a feeling of peace (btw this works better when combined with a social media break).
And remember: You are not running a marathon, you are figuring life out, like the rest of us. So please be gentle & curious towards yourself, and hopefully you’ll discover your own version of Brilliantlyou!
Here's to you!
Love,
Alix
