Back to Basics - Don’t Make Life Harder Than It Needs to Be
Have you ever wondered why, in theory, you have a lot to be grateful for, yet still feel like something is missing? I have certainly had these thoughts. It made me wonder why people who live the simplest lives seem to belong to the happy folks. Could it be due to their humbleness and mindset towards gratitude? Or could it be related to their non-materialistic lifestyles? I am convinced it involves mindfulness and the latter.
Have you ever wondered what it would be like if you simplified your approach to life? If so, have you replied to this question by telling yourself that you cannot afford to live a simple life because you live a New York Fire Department kind of life? You may have a full-time job, you may be a full-time parent, and you probably have a household to maintain, all while trying to keep your personal & social life afloat. With the energy you have left, you try to preserve your physical & mental health to an acceptable level, while feeling like the list of things you "have to do" keeps getting longer. In other words, you don't see the end of the tunnel. As soon as one task is completed, another one pops up on your to-do list, so how could you know the end? It may not be about reaching the end or seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, but rather about entering a different kind of tunnel. The tunnel you are currently in may never end. Just a thought, but hear me out.
Will your busy to-do list ever end? Sorry to break it to you, but no, it won't. Over time, life tends to become more complex. We are confronted with more responsibilities and challenges, and instead of hitting pause, we accelerate the speed. We try to fit everything into our day-to-day while maintaining a certain level of sanity, but we forget that doing more to seemingly have more is not all life should be about. What if, by changing your perspective, you did less to have more? What if you did not strive to be the perfect parent, human, friend, sibling, or colleague? What if instead of trying to "do it all" or"have it all", you would prioritise your life differently?
What if you would slow down and get back to the Basics of life - think about the happiness of kids when it comes to simplicity. Yes, they need attention, and yes, they can be dramatic, but in the end, all they want is love and care. They get excited about the simple things, like spending time with their parents or friends. And of course, that's easier to do because they are not confronted with left & right responsibilities as much as you are, but that does not mean that you should add more to your plate than necessary.
It is easy to get caught up in busy lifestyles, materialistic tendencies, perfectionism, and FOMO (fear of missing out), as the new standards are perfect routines, a great career, independence, but not too much, healthy family dynamics, and being there for everything and everyone. After all, if you are not, you might be labelled as selfish, but that is not what selfish is. Looking after your own interests is absolutely not selfish. It's a sign of balance and alignment, showing that you prioritize yourself (not to the detriment of others, of course).
Now to the big question: what are the first steps to figuring out how to prioritise my life differently? How can I improve my ability to live a simpler life? Well, the answer is: you guessed it - simple!
Make a list of what makes you happy (if you have your list from the comparison is poison post, take it out & see if it needs adjusting)
What is on your to-do list for the day / Week? Write down all your tasks, rank them into order of priority, 1 for crucial tasks that generate a positive outcome - 2 Tasks that should be done within the week - 3 being something that can be given to someone else - 4 being something that you can postpone without it having significant consequences - 5 being something you can leave aside completely (think of Time-Consuming Tasks that don't lead to great results)
Declutter Your Space - clean out your room, closet, desk, living room, and more. Keep what matters most and donate or discard the rest. -> Little tip: If you're like me and you hold on to old stuff because they have sentimental value but you never use them, ask yourself: If these Items were to disappear, would I miss them? If the answer is no, discard or donate them. Let's be honest, everything can have a sentimental value if you let it. Get yourself a memory box, put the most essential items in there (pictures, letters), and discard the rest. You'll be surprised by how much unnecessary stuff we all keep around and how much it clouds our mental space.
Say NO to things that don't fall into your list of priorities - Think of dinner invitations / long phone calls / seeing that friend who always has the same stories / a night out.
Set aside 10-20 minutes for yourself; you can break this down into one or two blocks of 10 minutes. If time for yourself means reading, meditating, doing something creative, Journaling, taking a bath, drawing, applying a face mask, or going for a walk, then plan these into your weekly schedule. What I don't advise you to do is scroll through social media or watch a series, as it will keep your mind busy. Some people like to say it is a way to "empty their mind," but it doesn't really do that. It just distracts it from thinking, which gives you this feeling of being "At peace".
I've mentioned this already, but consider reducing or limiting your social media use. Start by setting a time limit on your phone, and once reached, put the phone away. You will be surprised by how much time you gain.
Every morning, write down 3 things you are grateful for - think of the simplest things, like telling yourself, " I am grateful for my comfortable bed," or " I am grateful for my morning coffee". This will set a positive and grateful tone for the day, and quickly, you will notice your awareness shifting to the abundance in your life.
Learn to sit with yourself and get comfortable doing nothing. Get comfortable slowing down and not rushing through endless to-do lists. Having a need to be busy all the time might indicate that you don't know how to give yourself a moment of rest. This can lead to constant stress & pressure, putting you in a state of survival where you feel like you always have to do more & have more.
We live in a society where overdoing is the norm. We are overpressuring ourselves to achieve the highest standards. We are overworking ourselves (consider the number of Burnouts and the young age of those affected), and for what? To prove that we can have it all as well, but what if it was never about having it all? What if we just misunderstood what it means to have it all?
How can there be only one metric for having it all if we are all different? To each of us, their own metric to define a happy and successful life, so stop measuring a life that is yours to live with the metrics of others. Chances are high that you will never fully feel accomplished, valued, seen, and in the right place in life.
So, start living by going back to the basics, and then you can move forward from there. That's for you to figure out. I advise you to take a step back, observe, and reflect, but you will have difficulties doing so when you're constantly in New York Fire Department mode.
The most important part here is to be honest with yourself. I know it can be challenging to stop putting pressure on yourself, but ultimately, you are the one deciding how you react to it. However, I highly doubt that the answer lies in quantity (overdoing) over quality (doing it well).
This is all coming from someone who could not stay at home on a Friday night, who said yes to plans that were not making life better, who was and sometimes still finds herself comparing herself to others, who thought that a filled day equaled a productive day, and who thought that making myself a priority would make me selfish.
What is selfish is to decide to live an inauthentic life that is not yours to live. There is nothing selfish about living your life according to your metrics, expectations, and at your own rhythm.
Try it and see how you feel about it.
Here's to You!
Alix
